Archive for August, 2013
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A horse, a chicken and a Harley


21 Augjobs

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer’s new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend’s life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer’s bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?? (yep, you betcha, there is a moral!) ->

‘When You’re Hung Like A Horse, You Don’t Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!

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I’m Just Kidding!


After being married for 49 years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, then said, “You’re an alphabet wife

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”

She asks … “What the hell does that mean?”

He said,”Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot”.

She smiled happily and said …”Oh, that’s so lovely – but what about I, J, K?”

He said, “I’m Just Kidding!”

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.

podcast

The Car Accident


14 Aug

In the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, two cars both veer over the white line in the center of the road. They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither occupant is hurt. It is impossible to assess blame for the accident.

Both the drivers get out of their car.  One is a doctor and the other is a lawyer.  The lawyer calls the police on his car phone and goes over to talk to the doctor.

It’s cold and damp, and both men are quite shaken up at the accident.  The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask.

“Why, thank you,” the doctor accepts.  He takes a few drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who puts it away.  “Aren’t you also going to have a drink?” the doctor asks.

“Yes. After the police get here.” replies the lawyer.

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Never talk to the parrot……….


Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn’t accommodate her with an “after-hours” appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large Rottweiler inside named Killer; he won’t bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!”

Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.

As he was ready to leave, he couldn’t resist saying, “You stupid bird, why don’t you shut up!”

To which the bird replied, “Killer, get him!!!”

Satisfied Debt


10 Aug
partner

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800. to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “who was that?”

“It was Bob the next door neighbor”, she replies.

“Great”, the husband exclaims, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

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